Wow today I realized just how much the kids are growing up. Nathan is learning more and more words everyday. Sophie is crawling and pulling up and cruising on the couch. I just stand back and watch the kids and I know how my mom must feel looking at her 5 kids and seeing me with 2 kids, one graduated high school, one about to graduate, one in high school and one about to be in high school. The time really does fly. It seems like yesterday we were living in Canada and playing in the snow and going to Tawas with the grandparents for the summer. This morning I actually started crying because Nate and Soph were sitting on the floor and PLAYING! Nathan was not trying to pile drive her head into the floor and Soph was smiling and laughing at him. Even though this was the first time they have interacted and Sophie did not end up hurt and crying it made me think about how they are going to grow up so fast. All this makes me realize that I need to get with it and go and do something with my life. I need to utilize the federal grants I have already been offered and go to school to show my kids that they can do something better in their lives than just graduating high school. Every day that passes I feel as if I have let my parents down somehow by not going to college, having 2 kids, not being married. Currently I am a stay at home mom and I know that it is the hardest job I have ever done. Being a mom does not compare to anything I have ever done in my life. I want to spend my time at home while the kids are little just like my mom did with all 5 of us. I know I am rambling on and on so I am going to go to bed. Tomorrow is another day and I think I am going to try and plan out my future as much as I can. I need to get the ball rolling so I can make my own money and be more independant for myself and my kids. I always wonder what would happen to us if something ever happened to Ricky. He is a smoker, overweight, has sleep apnea, and injuries from being in the Marine Corps. Again I am rambling and I am really going to bed now. I feel better now that I have written about all of this. More adventures tomorrow...