Why?

Well, life seems to get harder and harder every day. I know this is life and I have to deal with it but WHY?? I should be used to bad news and disappointment by now but I think that no one truly gets used to this. Our car (RIP) blew up and we have no way of replacing it. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one. Ricky has decent credit and we have about 500 dollars to put down on a car but can we get one? No... I just don't know how car lots expect people to put down 1000 on a shitty car that is older than the one we had! All we are asking for is a 4 door anything to get from point A to point B, that's it. I don't think that is too much to ask for. So here we are, screwed again. Everyone I know is driving new cars, buying homes, doing things as a happy family and here we are, sitting at home, no car, one job, soon to be no house... It just never gets better. My kids are the only reasons why I get up in the morning and even then I find it hard to smile and be a good mom because I am letting this BS get to me. On Tuesday Ricky goes to the Doctor and is having blood tests, EKG, X-Rays, Cat Scan and Skin Cancer checks. I pray he is OK and nothing is wrong with him. They are testing him for diabetes, blood clots, skin cancer, heart problems, just about everything. I pray they will find out why is legs are turning black. This is the last thing we need right now. First our home was taken from us last year, a few months ago Ricky lost his job and now we lost our car. I just hope our health stays good because once that starts going downhill we are royally F'ed.. I am trying to stay positive and put on a smile about all of this but how can you when everyone you know seems to have everything you don't have. I know it is probably just jealousy on my part but when people are rubbing their new cars in your face it gets to you. I am SO happy for my friends and family that are doing well but what do we have to do to make it in this world? What did we do to deserve this? Ricky served our country for 8 years and gets nothing but shitty health care in return. I stay at home with my kids for their benefit and I can't get health insurance. All I can hope for is a good job after I graduate school and then go to Nursing school so I can raise my middle finger to the world and show everyone I can do this on my own. I got some negative comments when I registered for classes, guess what, I am making straight A's. This is just a rant because I have no one to talk to. I hope everyone that has a house and a running car appreciates what they have because you never know how long that is going to last. I count my blessings everyday and try to stay positive day in and day out but sometimes when you don't have a friend to listen it bottles up inside and eventually blows up! We have applied for another tote the note lot financing place and we will find out monday if we can get a car. I am praying and crossing my fingers, but I am not holding my breath. If this does not work out on monday, who knows what will happen. All I know is we will have to give our loaner car back to the owner and then we will be back to where we started, again......